Last Sunday found me in the most comfortable bottom pit of abysmal sloth. I literally didn’t get out of bed the whole day except when we had to go to church early that evening. I didn’t even have an excuse of a late night out. We had house guests the night before and I shamelessly fell asleep upstairs while my poor husband had to entertain them (and wash the dishes alone). I can whip out so many excuses to validate my behavior (I had a long drive to Batangas and back earlier that day, allergic reaction to the vetsin of the Bonchon chicken we had for dinner, general all-around stress — we had a fire, you know) except that they’re really not acceptable even to myself. But there I was, seemingly drugged into hugging our bed forever. (In fairness, we really do have the most amazingly comfortable bed. Both Drew and I struggle to get out of its warm yummy cushions every morning).
Today I had a check up with my OB-GYN and I found out I gained 3 pounds in one month! Three pounds! One month! Without a baby to show for! That’s eating 10,500 calories more than I should be! Crazy. But honestly, I don’t think its just my diet. It’s the plain lack of exercise, of movement-less still days. Sunday was a perfect example. It’s 10,500 calories that I used to burn that I’m not anymore. I really need my gym routine back!! I keep stopping and starting and stopping. I guess that’s alright as long as I keep starting again.
I’ve long accepted my body was never meant to be skinny and my husband claims to love my thunder thighs and jiggly bits but I guess I’ve also used that as an excuse to slack off the discipline. I’m grateful for having the right perspective and acceptance of my non poster-girl-material “assets”. In this day and age of troubling self image, I seemed to have blessedly gotten away from a lot of pain. But I have to keep my focus on being the healthiest I can be.
Over the holidays, I found out that a younger family member was confined in the hospital for anorexia. She was confined there for about two weeks. She’s only in her early teens. That gave me a pause and, the habit of all women, I felt so guilty. I thought that I had been such a poor role model. What if she had gotten anorexic because she said, “I don’t want to be like Ate”, not really rejecting me but our genetic inheritance. I wish I had been a better model of how to deal with what our bodies were predisposed to look like. Of course we only saw each other once a year, on Christmas day, but maybe I could’ve made a better impact on her. I certainly won’t be able to do that if I keep loving our bed too much.
Plus the Biblical verses about sleeping keeps haunting me:
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest – and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man. (Proverbs 24: 33-34)
Laziness brings on deep sleep and the shiftless man goes hungry. (Proverbs 19:15)
Sige na nga, Lord! Ayaw ko maging ugly and poor!!!! Gym na tonight!